Of SEALs and Sweethearts
by Racing Capybaras
Summary: Steve's feeling a little down about Valentine's Day, so Danny volunteers to find him a date.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my annual attempt at a Valentine's Day story. My goal is to upload one chapter each day, but that may change depending on my schedule.**

**This story is slightly AU because it doesn't fit into the show's timeline, so some events may occur out of sequence.**

** I don't own Hawaii Five-0 or any of the characters.**

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><p>Steve McGarrett was hiding.<p>

Not from an enemy soldier or something that posed an immediate threat to his physical wellbeing. No, he was hiding from something much worse. Valentine's Day.

Steve hated Valentine's Day. It wasn't even a real holiday. Cards and flowers and candy could be given any day of the year. All designating a specific day did was make the people who weren't in relationships feel like crap.

And that was where Steve currently stood. Since he and Catherine had broken up, his love life had been a little lacking. Or, rather, completely nonexistent. He had been coping decently well on his own until Lori had surprised the team by coming in early and decorating this morning. The baby Cupid sitting on her desk was enough to send him packing for the rest of the day.

He had faced terrorists and chased down drug dealers without fear, but now McGarrett was holed up in his office avoiding the pink and red paper hearts that now decorated the Five-0 squadroom.

He was a Navy SEAL for crying out loud. This was embarrassing, to say the least.

McGarrett's door swung open and his partner, Danny Williams, strode in and flopped down on the nearest chair. "What's up, Babe? I haven't seen you all day."

"I've been in here, working. You know, that thing that we get paid to come here and do," Steve replied, gesturing to his desk.

"Right…" Danny said, raising an eyebrow. "Because you, the sun-loving-sex-god-who-thinks-it's-ok-that-there's-no-snow-in-February, is voluntarily sitting at his desk. Spill."

"There's nothing to spill. I'm catching up on some paperwork."

Danny glanced over at the mountain of un-done paper on Steve's desk. "Uh-huh. 'Cause you're getting so much work done."

"I was just about to start," Steve replied defensively. "So if you don't have a reason for interrupting me, I'll get back to work."

Danny stretched out on the chair and grinned at McGarrett's annoyance. "As a matter of fact, I do have a reason for being here. I wanted to run my Valentine's Day plans past you."

Steve's heart sunk. He had holed himself up in his office on a beautiful Hawaii day to get away from that topic. Of course Danny would be the one to bring it to him.

"I was thinking I'd leave work a little early so we could eat and early dinner and maybe have some time to see a movie or watch a band play near the beach," Danny continued.

Steve blinked, confused. "Wait. Who's exactly is in this 'we' that you're voluntarily going to the beach with."

"Her name is Elizabeth. And I said near the beach, not on the beach," Danny corrected. "So, do you mind if I take off a little early next week?"

"No, that's fine."

Danny's eyes narrowed. "'That's fine?' You don't want to know anything about her, or hear the details on my plans for the night, or give me advice that I'm not going to follow because I really don't need it?"

"Nope. I just want to get my paperwork done," Steve lied, hoping Danny would leave so he didn't have to think about dating anymore.

Danny rolled his eyes and straightened himself in the chair. "You know, I'm surprised that you lasted in the army for so long considering what a bad liar you are. Now spill."

"The Navy, Danny. I was in the Navy. And I already told you that I don't have anything to say," Steve said, fidgeting at his desk.

"Wait a minute…does this have anything to do with you taking off this morning? You ran in here like Cupid shot you in the ass."

Steve groaned. "I just wanted to get away from the little Cupids. Naked babies with wings kind of freak me out."

"Understandable," Danny nodded, "but you're deflecting. You just don't like Valentine's Day in general, do you? Does this have anything to do with you and Catherine?"

"Valentine's Day is dumb. It's not even a real holiday. And the candy hearts suck."

"And Catherine?"

Steve frowned and looked down at his desk. "We broke up a couple of weeks ago."

"Ha! I knew this went deeper than the Cupids," Danny grinned triumphantly, throwing his hands behind his head.

"What, no 'I'm sorry, I know you must be hurting'?" Steve replied defensively.

"Naw," Danny said, tilting his head back to rest on his hands. "She was never the right girl for you. I think you knew that, or you would have made things work."

"Yeah, well, things didn't exactly work out in the end, did they?" Steve snapped.

Danny sat up and held up his hands in a placating manner. "I didn't mean it like that. What I meant is that there's someone out there who's a better match for you."

"Well I haven't found her," Steve said bitterly. Despite his dedication to his work, even SEALs found being alone during the month of love lonely.

"Don't worry; that's what I'm here for," Danny said, standing up.

"Wait, what?"

Danny smiled gleefully and headed for the door. "I'm not letting Hawaii's most eligible SEAL bachelor be alone in Valentine's Day. I'll find you a date in a week. Don't you worry about it."

"Danny", no, I don't want…" Steve began to reply as Danny strode out and shut the door. He knew it was too late. Danny was on a mission, and nothing was going to stop him.

McGarret sighed and reached for a pen. He might not have a date, but at least he had paperwork to keep him company.


	2. Chapter 2

**I still don't own Hawaii 5-0. If did, I'd be on a vacation somewhere where it actually snows when it's 28 degrees.**

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><p>"What about her?"<p>

Steve rolled his eyes. He and Danny were in the middle of a stakeout, waiting for a potential suspect to enter the seedy alleyway. "What do you mean, what about her Danny?

"Do you think she's attractive?"

Steve crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Danny. "I am not doing this. I told you I didn't want your help finding a date."

Danny pouted. "Someone's a little grumpy this morning. Did my precious little SEAL have a hard time sleeping without someone cuddled next to him?"

Steve turned away from Danny and opened his files to go over details of the case again. Never one for silence, it was, of course, Danny who talked first.

"C'mon, Babe. I just need something to go on for a visual preference. I'm only trying to help you out here."

"And I'm not answering," Steve replied firmly. "We have a job to do. And besides, there're at least fifteen different girls over there."

"Exactly. This way you can pick out which one you want," Danny said excitedly, gesturing wildly.

"No."

"I'm thinking the redhead with the high heels," Danny continued, nodding towards the girl in a bikini top and shorts so short that they barely covered anything.

"I said no!"

"Okay, okay, I see what you mean. My next choice was going to be the tall brunette anyway."

"For the last time, Danny, I said I'm not doing this!" Steve yelled angrily, slamming the files shut. "I do not need your help and I am most definitely not picking out a girl."

Danny rolled his eyes and loosened his tie. "Pipe down, SuperSEAL. You'll scare off our suspect."

"I'll pipe down when you stop trying to set me up with those girls."

"No can do, Sweetheart. Those girls represent a wide variety of physical characteristics that you might find important. Now what about the blonde?"

Steve glanced at the blonde, who was wearing a dress so short that it would be a crime to call it a piece of clothing, then hardened his gaze and glared at Danny. "No. Not her. Not any of them."

"Please just pick one. It's just something for me to go off," Danny begged.

"For the last time, I am not picking a girl!"

"Why not?" Danny pouted.

"Because they're prostitutes for Christssake."

"Well, obviously they're prostitutes, Steven," Danny said slowly as if he was unable to comprehend the reason behind Steve's resistance. "We're sitting in a pimped out car behind a seedy club waiting for a drug dealer to come out of a 'business meeting'. What'd you expect them to be, princesses?"

Steve scowled. "I'm not picking out a prostitute. It's a matter of principle."

"Relax, Commando McGarrett. I'm not asking you to sleep with one. I'm just asking you which one you think is the hottest."

"If I pick one will you shut up and focus on the case?" Steve sighed.

"Yes, absolutely," Danny answered gleefully. "Now which one is it? The blonde? The brunette with the fishnets?"

Steve leaned forward to look at the girls again and sighed. This went against his better judgment, but if it got Danny to shut up…."The one in the pink skirt."

Danny grinned and clapped Steve on the shoulder. "See how easy that was?"

Steve opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a low crackling noise. _"Really, Boss? I would have thought you'd go for the brunette with the leopard print shoes."_

Steve closed his eyes and resisted the urge to bang his head against the window. Of course the radio had been on the whole time. And of course Kono had been listening.

"Really?" Danny questioned. "I was really thinking he'd pick the brunette."

"_Naw, she's too skinny. Leopard-girl's got a more athletic build and killer legs," _Kono replied.

"So you think that's important? Good to note. Thanks, Kono," Danny replied.

Steve glanced over and realized that Danny was writing something on one of his files. "What are you doing?"

Danny didn't stop writing. "I'm taking notes, obviously."

"_Ooh, make sure to add that he likes leggy brunettes," _Kono added eagerly.

"Stop it, both of you," Steve said angrily. "I do not need your help and I definitely do not want to compare any girl I may or may not date in the future to a prostitute. This isn't helping me, and it's obviously not helping us catch our guy. Now can we please get back to work?"

"_Mmmhmmm. Sure, Boss."_

"Defitely," Danny replied, folding up his notes and placing them as far away as possible from Steve. "We're being serious here."

"And you're destroying the notes later," Steve added.

"Yeah, sure," Danny nodded, not meeting Steve's gaze.

"You're burning them tonight"

A door in a nearby building swung open and a short man with dark brown hair and briefcase walked out into the alley. Steve's head swiveled between Danny and the suspect. "Danny…"

"Oh look, there's our guy. I guess we should get to work now," Danny said quickly, grabbing his notes and taking off after the suspect.

Steve sighed and drove the car around the block to catch up with Danny on the other side. There wasn't a SEAL trick in existence that was going to get Danny to hand over his notes. Damage control was all he could do at this point. "Hey, Kono? You still there?"

"_I'm here."_

"Do you really think I should have picked Leopard-girl over Pink Skirt?"

"_Definitely. She's more your type. Now get back to work, McGarrett." _

Steve frowned and hit the gas. Now that Danny was recruiting to his Get the Lonely SEAL a Date project, he had a feeling that his coworkers were going to be a lot more annoying than usual.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve's breaths came in short pants as he closed in on his fifth mile on the treadmill. After spending another long day putting up with Danny attempting to pick out a new girlfriend for him, Steve had retired to the only part of the police station that seemed untouched by love – the gym.

It was no wonder that Lori hadn't decorated the room or that Danny wasn't willing to brave it. With its bleak walls and obsolete equipment, Cupid himself would have to lead a horde of cherubs to make the gym remotely romantic.

Steve let the loud squeaks of the treadmill drown out his thoughts. He was here to escape Danny and avoid Kono, who he hadn't talked to since the radio incident the day before.

Half-way through his sixth mile, the hairs on the back of Steve's neck tingled and stood up. There was someone behind him. Mentally calculating how long it would take him to jump off the machine and move, Steve reached for his holster and turned his head.

"Pulling a gun on me, Boss?"

Steve suppressed a groan and turned off the treadmill before turning the rest of his body to face Kono. "Well, you know. You can never be too careful."

Kono arched an eyebrow. "You wear a piece while you're running? That seems more like paranoia than cautiousness."

"Eh. You say tomato…" Steve replied, holstering the gun. "How long have you been here?"

"A few minutes. I just got back from a jog. It's a nice day. Why are you inside?"

Steve began his cool-down stretches and sighed. "Outside is for people who don't have to run away from Danny Williams every time a female comes within twenty feet of them."

Kono took a drink of water and shook her hair out of its bun. "I was actually referring to you avoiding me. We haven't spoken since the incident during the stakeout yesterday."

"Nothing to talk about," Steve replied, hoping to lead the conversation away from that particular topic. He switched positions so that he could stretch his calves.

"Oh really? Because I happen to think that SEAL is a great conversational topic."

Steve groaned mentally, knowing that he was going to regret asking. "And why is that?"

"Because 'Steve Equals an Awesome Lover' gives us a lot of interesting things to talk about."

Steve stopped stretching. "_What_?"

"Steve Equals an Awesome Lover," Kono repeated innocently, examining the ends of her hair.

"No. That is not a thing," Steve said emphatically.

"Too late, McGarret," Kono grinned. "Danny made it official this morning. We're getting T-shirts."

Steve shut his eyes and resisted the urge to facepalm. This was not happening. His coworkers were more mature than this. They had more respect for him than this.

He opened his eyes and glanced over at Kono, who seemed to be enjoying his suffering.

"You two shutting this down today. That's an order."

Kono shook her head. "Since this doesn't relate to or interfere with work, you don't have that authority. SEAL will continue in its mission to, and I quote, 'improve the love life of Hawaii's most eligible Navy badass through whatever means are necessary.'"

"I take it that that's going on the shirts too," Steve groaned.

"Yep. On the back between the shoulder blades. Any thoughts on which font we should use?"

Steve rolled his eyes and sat down on the matt-covered floor. He leaned forward to continue his stretches. "What makes you and Danny think that the two of you know me better than I know myself, anyway?"

"Because we do," Kono said confidently.

"And why is that?" Steve questioned, switching sides again.

"Because all you do is work," Kono replied confidently. "You hardly ever go on dates because you're always on a case. Danny and I have seen you interact with women, and we definitely know what you like better than you do."

Steve sighed again and leaned back on the matt so that his elbows supported him. "The two of you really aren't going to stop, are you?"

"Nope."

"Fine. Just keep it between the two of you."

"No can do. Danny enlisted me right after he scouted out a few other potential members of SEAL."

"Who?" Steve demanded.

"Well, Lori, Max, and Joe for sure."

"No. You all did not get Joe involved in this."

Kono shrugged. "It was Danny, not me. Besides, Joe wants the same thing as the rest of us – for SEAL to help his SEAL."

Steve covered his face with a hand and shook his head. Danny had convinced Steve's Navy mentor that he needed help finding a date for Valentine's Day. This bypassed embarrassment and went straight to shame.

"Oh, and then there was that email. So maybe the entire department," Kono added.

Steve lifted his head sharply. "The entire department. Are you shitting me?"

"Don't worry; it wasn't specific. The message just asked if any available leggy brunettes don't have Valentine's plans yet," Kono replied reassuringly.

"Don't worry?" Steve demanded. "I'm going to be the department joke!"

"No, you're not," Kono soothed. "We're going to find you a girl, and then you're going to take her out for a nice dinner. The rest of the night's activities are up to you."

Steve dropped his head and groaned again.

"Hey, look at it this way: Valentine's Day is in five days. You just have to make it until then. Trust us."

As Kono turned and walked away, Steve sat up. His eyes traveled from the floor up her long, toned legs, to the hem of her very short jogging shorts. He blushed and quickly dropped his gaze.

Kono turned back and smirked in a way that made Steve sure that she had seen him looking.. "See, McGarrett. We know what you like."

Steve pushed himself into a standing position and grabbed his gym gear. Even though Kono and Danny did know what he liked, five days of embarrassment and hiding were definitely too much. It was time to do some damage control.


	4. Chapter 4

**FFN wouldn't let me log in for most of Friday, so I wasn't able to update. Luckily, I'm back in now. **

**Also, a thanks to all of my readers and the reviewers who left kind comments. Here's chapter four.**

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><p>Steve took a gulp of his beer and leaned back in his barstool. After his encounter with Kono in the gym, he had spent the next day trying to assess exactly how much damage she and Danny had done.<p>

His original plan was to talk to a couple of people around the department to figure out what kind of malicious lies his coworkers had been spreading. But every time he entered a room, its occupants cleared out without so much as a backwards glance.

So now, Steve was sitting at a bar nearby the main HPD building, waiting for someone from the Honolulu Police Department to surface. It had been almost forty five minutes, and the bar was eerily quiet considering it was a weekend.

Steve drained the rest of his drink and signaled to the bartender to another one.

"I'll have one, too."

Steve turned, unsurprised, to see Chin sit down on the barstool next to him. "So, how bad is it? Am I the new department pariah?"

Chin gave Steve a quizzical look as the bartender handed both men their drinks, "How bad is what?"

"Everything! Kono told me that Danny sent an email out to everyone about project SEAL," Steve replied angrily. He looked down at his hands and noticed that he was gesturing wildly. Steve made a mental note that alcohol was turning him into Danny, who wasn't exactly one of his favorite people at the moment.

In fact, Steve was so angry that over the course of his wait at the bar, he had compiled a list of ways to humiliate and/or murder Danny. None of the ways involved a gun or a knife – that would be too quick. Instead, Steve's list was creative and utilized unorthodox murder weapons. He was actually pretty proud of what he had managed to come up with while getting drunk.

"Oh, right. Project SEAL."

"Well?"

Chin shrugged and took a sip of his beer. "Well nothing. She made it up."

Steve's shoulders sagged in relief. Maybe he wouldn't need his list after all. "So there really wasn't an email? And project SEAL doesn't exist."

"Well, yes and no," Chin replied, shifting on the stool. "There was an email, but that's not what it said. Danny and Kono would never do that to you. You should know that."

Steve frowned. That qualification didn't make him feel much better. He would be holding onto the list, just in case. Number One on the list: force pineapple down Danny's throat until he choked. "And project SEAL?"

Chin looked down at his drink. "That, unfortunately, is very real."

Steve dropped his head onto his chin. Crap. Number Two: hold Danny upside down over sharks in a feeding frenzy until the blond man swore that he loved Hawaii and its lovely animals. "How real is real?"

Chin shifted uncomfortably and motioned towards his chest. Steve peered forward and read the words printed on Chin's tee shirt.

"Steve Equals an Awesome Lover," Steve read out loud. Chin winced, nodded, and turned around in his barstool so Steve could read the back. "…Project SEAL: Improving the love life of Hawaii's residence BAMF through whatever means necessary."

Chin swung back around and gave Steve a sympathetic look. At least he had the decency to look repentant, unlike Danny and Kono. "Sorry, brah."

Steve blinked. He couldn't remember Number Three. His mind seemed to have gone fuzzy. All he could think to say was, "Shit. She was serious about the tee shirts."

"Among other things."

Steve groaned and took a long pull from his beer. Alcohol was the only thing that was going to get him through the rest of this night without causing someone permanent physical damage or curling up in the fetal position and crying until Kono and Danny left him alone.

Which reminded him of Number Three: expose Danny to a childhood fear and videotape his response.

Chin, who had his head propped up on his elbow, noticed that Steve had lapsed into a contemplative silence. While this was normal for most people, in Steve's case it often ended with the person he was thinking about screaming for mercy as they were dangled off a cliff (which was actually pretty close to Number Four on the list). "I really am sorry."

"Then why are you wearing the shirt?" Steve snapped. He drained his beer and ordered another one.

Chin shrugged. "Kono got ink on my shirt earlier. When I went to the locker room to find my spare, I found out that she hid all my other clothes and left me with this. But I did get her and Danny trade a part of their nefarious plan in exchange for me wearing this for the day."

"Nefarious plan?" Steve questioned, shoulders slumped. He took another sip of beer, though the alcohol didn't seem to be helping.

"That's why I'm here," Chin continued. "The email that Danny sent out said that you were pissed off about something and that you were liable to rip someone's head off."

"So that's why no one would talk to me," Steve realized. That was a relief. But not enough of a relief to forget how thoroughly he was going to kick Danny's ass later.

Chin nodded. "Right. And why no one's here now. Danny was trying to get everyone out of the way. I think he and Kono are planning something big."

Steve sighed wearily. "How big are we talking? Surprise birthday party big or fireworks big?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but think more along the lines of holy-crap-Michael-Jackson-returned-from-the-dead-on-my-birthday-to-perform-through-fireworks-big."

"Great. Just great."

Chin shrugged. "At least this'll all be over in a couple of days."

"We might not all last that long," Steve replied darkly. He would definitely add to his list before his next encounter with Danny.

Chin patted Steve on the shoulder and stood up, putting some money down on the counter next to his half-full beer. "C'mon, brah. I'll drive you home. Things will be better tomorrow."

"It's not like they could get much worse," Steve groaned, following Chin out of the bar.

It wasn't until the next morning that Steve would discover exactly how wrong he was.


	5. Chapter 5

**The login for FFN was down _again _yesterday, so I couldn't update.**

**For my readers who've been angry about the way Danny's been treating Steve, this chapter is Steve's revenge.**

**I don't own Hawaii 5-0 or Jersey Shore. (Not that I'm disappointed about the latter, though.)**

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><p>"Stop!"<p>

"You first," Steve growled.

After recovering from his hangover, Steve had quickly decided that it was time to get ahead of Danny and Kono and their "nefarious plan." Since everyone at HPD was still avoiding him, he decided that the best way to get the information he needed was to go straight to the source – Danny himself

And hey, if he happened to work some revenge into his interrogation, so be it.

So now Steve was in the middle of executing Revenge Method Number Eleven – which he personally felt was his most creative and fitting yet - while interrogating a blindfolded Danny.

"Never," Danny spat, straining against the restraints that bound him to the chair.

Steve sighed and untied the blindfold. This could take longer than he had thought. "Okay, Danny, I'm going to take the blindfold, and we're going to talk face to face."

Danny shook his head to clear his vision before attempting to escape the chair again. He looked down and gasped in horror. "Are these my ties?"

"Yes," Steve smirked.

Danny's face twisted in disgust. "Lemme get his straight. First, you kidnap me from my apartment in the middle of the night without waking me up – which was pretty impressive, by the way – then you drive me back to your place with my own car and use my own ties to shackle me to a chair? You, my friend, have issues. You need help."

"Thanks, Danno," Steve replied. A compliment was a compliment, after all. "But what I need is for you to call off SEAL and leave me alone."

Danny shook his head. "What you need is a girlfriend. And a psychiatrist. I honestly don't know which to get you first."

"Wrong answer," Steve said, shaking his head. He reached into his pocket and produced a lighter before making eye contact with Danny. He picked up the tie he had used as a makeshift blindfold and held it over the lighter. "I'm going to burn every single one of your ties until you put an end to SEAL."

"You wouldn't."

Steve raised an eyebrow and flicked the lighter on.

"It's destruction of property. It's just plain mean."

Steve smiled grimly and introduced the tie to the flame.

Danny twisted and whined in his seat as he watched his precious neck accessory burn on the ground in Steve's makeshift fire pit. "C'mon. That was one of my favorites."

"I know."

"Okay, okay. I'll get rid of all of the tee shirts. I 'll even burn them if you stop burning my ties!" Danny said hastily.

"And the plan that you and Kono have?"

Danny hesitated. "What plan?"

Steve shook his head and began burning a second tie.

"Aw, c'mon, you overgrown army punk! I'm only trying to bring some civilization to these godforsaken islands!"

"It's the Navy, you jerk," Steve corrected, adding a third tie to the pile burning at feet.

"You know you're just proving my point," Danny said, trying not to watch the burning cloth. "If you had a girlfriend, you'd have something better to do right now."

"If I had a partner who respected my boundaries I wouldn't have to do this," Steve pointed out.

"I'm just trying to help," Danny protested.

Steve rolled his eyes and grabbed the remote for his television. He powered it -on and activated the surround sound.

Danny's eyes widened in shock as the latest episode of_ Jersey Shore _began playing. "You sick bastard. First you destroy my ties, and now you're trying to destroy my precious memories of New Jersey!"

Steve glanced at the television and then eyed Danny to gauge his reaction. "It seems to be working, doesn't it," he replied evenly.

Danny shook his head, opening and closing his mouth. He seemed at a loss of how to respond without the ability to use his trademark hand gestures.

"Good to know something can shock you into silence," Steve grinned. "Now where were we?"

"Whoa!"

Both Steve's and Danny's heads snapped towards the door. Kono stood on the threshold, unsure of whether or not to come in.

"You two watch _Jersey Shore_?" She asked, breaking into a grin.

Danny shook his head emphatically. "Absolutely not. Never. I would rather eat pineapple with every meal for the rest of my life."

"And lose his tie collection, apparently," Steve interjected.

"I can see that," Kono replied, taking in the bizarre scene before her. Danny was essentially shackled to a chair with his own ties. Steve stood over, holding a cigarette lighter and prodding a fire pit with his feet to ensure that the ties burned.

After a few long moments of gawking, Kono finally came up with a reply. "You two look busy…I'll come back later."

Steve shook his head, dumping the remaining neckties into his fire. "I think we're done here."

"No, we are absolutely not done with this, Babe," Danny squealed in protest. He grimaced and looked up at Kono. "He's officially lost it. The SEAL has gone crazy-bananas. We'd better send another email out to the department, because he might actually kill someone this time."

Steve glared at Danny and slowly raised his hand, unsure if he wanted to punch the blond man or if he should just turn up the volume on the television.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Kono said quickly, placing a hand on Steve's elbow. "You two are taking this way too seriously. Let's all take a deep breath and put out the fire and stop insulting each other."

Steve scowled, but acquiesced and put out the fire while Kono lowered the volume on the television.

"Good, Boss," Kono cooed, taking the lighter out of Steve's hands. "And now untie Danny."

"No. Not until he calls off the plan for tomorrow," Steve replied.

"What plan? It's not anything bad, I promise," Kono protested.

"Chin called it 'nefarious.'"

Kono rolled her eyes. "Chin's exaggerating. There's nothing 'nefarious' about tomorrow. It's just Valentine's Day – it's diabolical at best."

"Then why are you wearing a SEAL shirt?"

Kono looked down and shrugged. "Gotta support the cause. Besides, it matches my shoes."

Steve remained still, tempted to force Kono into an interrogation too.

As if she could read his thoughts, Kono replied, "Hey, don't blame me. This whole thing is Danny's fault."

"Wait, _what?_ You were the one who designed the-" Danny spluttered indignantly, cut off by Kono's hand covering his mouth.

Kono turned back to Steve. "Tomorrow's going to happen no matter what you do to try and stop it. You might as well try and enjoy today. C'mon, I'll treat you to some shaved ice at Kamekona's."

Steve weighed Kono's words against his options, shrugged, and grabbed the keys to the Camaro. "I'll drive."

"Wait, can someone untie me?" Danny said frantically, realizing that the only people with free hands were about to abandon him.

"We'll bring back some pineapple ice for you, Danny," Steve called over his shoulder.

"Could you at least turn off the damned TV!"

The Camaro roared to life. Danny winced as the tires squealed and he was left alone.

Well, not totally alone. He still had the remnants of his ties and the cast of _Jersey Shore_ to keep him company.

"I'd rather eat the pineapple," he muttered, preparing for a very loud wait.


	6. Chapter 6

Steve sat behind his desk, tapping his pen on the polished wood. It late afternoon on Valentine's Day, and he was completely wired.

After releasing Danny from his own personal hell, Steve had gone about his night like usual. Kono had been right; there was no way for him to stop today from happening.

Still, he had been cautious. His morning had been relatively uneventful, save the slightly nasty card Danny had left for him in his kitchen. Once he arrived at HPD, he made a beeline for his office and ignored Lori's protests about him not wearing pink.

So now, holed up in his office with less than an hour before the end of the work day, Steve was getting antsy. There was nothing out of place in the room, and the only new object was the card Lori had given him (which was much nicer than Danny's.) Still, Steve knew that something was off.

It was too quiet. Danny had barely spoken at all – though that may have been because he was still recovering from Steve's interrogation. Kono had taken off a few hours ago, claiming that she had finished her paperwork and couldn't stand being cooped up indoors any longer.

Still, something was wrong. Something had to be wrong. If there really was a plan - which Kono had confirmed the day before - then she and Danny were running out of time to execute it.

Steve was pulled out of his reverie by a series of loud knocks on his office door. He groaned. It had to be Danny, who was the last person he wanted to see right now. The knocking grew louder. Knowing that Danny was eventually going to make his way in, Steve rolled his eye and called, "come in."

"Thank you, Steven. That wasn't a long wait at all," Danny replied sarcastically, sprawling out in a chair across from Steve's desk.

"Well, usually you just barge in anyway, so I didn't feel like wasting my breath," Steve snapped.

"I was trying to instill some manners into Grace. She wants to see you. She's around here somewhere," Danny shrugged. "Gracie! Where are you, Monkey?"

Grace skipped into Steve's office happily, brown pigtails bobbing up and down. "I'm here, Danno. Hi, Uncle Steve."

"Hey, Gracie," Steve grinned. He couldn't help it. Grace's happiness was infectious.

"You have something for your Uncle Steve, don't you," Danny prompted.

"Yeah!" Grace reached into her backpack and pulled out a large doily decorated with stickers and glitter. "I made you a valentine!"

Steve accepted his gift and read it out loud. "_Uncle Steve – Danno says love has been giving you a hard time lately. I hope it starts treating you better soon. Love, Grace._" He smiled at her. "Thanks, kiddo."

Grace smiled excitedly. "Also, Danno told me to tell you that you have to keep an open mind about tonight and that everyone is just trying to help you."

"Well, I'm not so sure of that."

"Please, Uncle Steve? We all love you and just want you to be happy," Grace pouted.

Steve groaned internally. He had to give in. Even he, a Navy SEAL and all-around badass, couldn't say no to Grace's charm. "Fine. Just for you, I'll keep an open mind."

Grace squealed and gave Steve a hug. "Yay! Happy Valentine's Day!"

Danny nodded and tried to keep his grin to a minimum. "Thanks, Grace. Can you wait for me outside?"

Steve watched Grace leave the room and then glared at Danny. "That was a low blow, Danny. You knew I wouldn't say 'no' to her."

"Yep. That's why I did it," Danny replied nonchalantly.

Steve's glare intensified until it threatened to burn twin holes into Danny's skull.

Danny sat up and shook his head. "Okay, Babe, here's what's going to happen: I'm going to drive Gracie home, and then you're going to go through everything Kono and I have planned. And you're going to do it all with a smile on your face because you made a promise to my daughter, you loves you dearly."

Steve crossed his arms and gave a slight nod. "Fine."

"Excellent. See you in a few hours."

* * *

><p>Steve took a sip of his drink, then quickly regretted this action as he began to choke from laughter. In front of him, Joe sat in a chair looking positively mortified as a group of young women serenaded him with a rendition of Britney Spears' "Toxic."<p>

One of the girls began wrapping a feather boa around herself and Joe. The closer she got, the darker Joe's face got until he resembled a sun-dried tomato. Joe met Steve's eyes and mouthed a quiet plea for help.

Steve simply shrugged in response. Words were out of the question. He was having a hard enough time trying not to wet himself from laughter.

After Danny had left to drop off Grace, Lori and Chin had forced Steve into the short trip to a nearby beach. Expecting the worst – a pity speed dating service where none of the women liked him – Steve had been pleasantly surprised to discover that all that was waiting for them was food.

About then minutes into their meal, Kono and Kamekona showed up with about twenty young women. Steve barely had the chance to open his mouth to ask for an explanation before they surrounded him and launched into a spirited rendition of "What I Like About You."

It turned out that Kono really had played a larger part in the plan than Steve had believed. Though doing something to cheer Steve up was Danny's idea, Kono had contacted some of her friends from their old high school a cappella group and organized their performance.

Steve had to admit that he was enjoying every second of it. While he was initially mortified, it soon became clear that the women were singing to everyone, not just him. As the sky grew darker, more and people joined their party, making the situation much less awkward.

That was, unless you were the one being sung to. Joe looked like he would have been happier trying to fend off sharks with a piece of raw steak. Which, from what Steve knew about Joe, had probably already happened.

The song came to an end and the small crowd clapped and whistled. "You next, Kamekona," Kono called.

Steve grinned and wolf-whistled, standing up to get another beer.

"Hey," Danny said, following him closely. "How do you like your party?"

Steve shrugged. "It's better than I expected. It's actually pretty fun."

"And at least half of those girls gave you their phone numbers. It's a start."

Steve rolled his eyes and grinned slightly. "Yeah, yeah. I'm here because I promised Grace. But, who knows? I might even give one of them a call."

"Good. Lord knows that you need something to do outside of work. Locking yourself in your office all day wasn't exactly helping your social situation."

Steve shook his head. "I still hate Valentine's Day."

"I know."

"It's still not a real holiday."

"I know."

Steve smiled and clapped Danny on the shoulder. "Thanks, Danny. I really needed this. But seriously, if you ever do anything like this again I'll force feed you pinapple – with the spiky skin still on – while serenading you with a ukulele."

"Perfectly understandable, Babe."


End file.
